He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
