Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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