Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
