I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
