I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
