are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
50% drunk capacity currently
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
