I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
