I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
