I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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