She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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