Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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