This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I didn't notice because vodka
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
