I could make wine with my vomit
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I will pee on everything he values.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
