8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she woke up with a sticky ear
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
