No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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