Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
