if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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