Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
