Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
