we have pet lesbian snakes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
