Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I skipped work to stalk him.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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