i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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