So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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