Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
