had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
