I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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