So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
