Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
