Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So here I am, sexting at work.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
