He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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