All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
