I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
