you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
