We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
