i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm both gender and math confused
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
