moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
