i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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