she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
how does that bad decision feel?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
