I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
