Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
