DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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