I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
