Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
