omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
