I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
