Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
