put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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