i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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