he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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