they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
