Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
