i think my tv is drunk
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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