Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
