Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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