Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
