...so i touched it.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
