I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
