brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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