Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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