if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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