Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
